My dad, Walt, is indisputably one of the coolest people I know. In honor of his upcoming birthday, and to embarrass him mercilessly, here are a few of his best neologisms* and colorful phrases.
1) Happy Horse Shit: A frivolous thing or event.
Example: “Spas? I’m not into any of that happy horse shit.”
2) Nickel Shit: A minor or irrelevant thing. “I told him I didn’t have time to deal with his nickel shit.”
3) No Jump for a Show Dog: Words of encouragement about something that requires little effort due to a person’s level of expertise or talent. “Hey you’ll get that job Cyn. It’s no jump for a show dog.”
4) WallyWendyCyndiMistyMaxHeidiSnoopy: The names of all of his children and past pets combined into a single word, said when he forgets one of his children’s names.
5) Nothing’s illegal until you get caught.: A kindness offered during our youth when one of his children were caught doing something they shouldn’t be doing. Usually followed by a punishment.
6) Warsh/Rinsch: “Wash” and “rinse”… (he’s from Ohio, but no one else from Ohio I know says this…). Derivation unknown.
7) Go like hell: To move fast or get out of the way. “You’re late. Just get in the car and go like hell.”
8) Shit Box: Annoyed reference to a small child or cat. “Tell that little shit box to get over here.” “Get that shit box out of the house.”
9) Crumbgrabber: Kind reference to a small child. “Her little crumbgrabber is alright.”
10) Hammered horse shit: The state or condition of ill being, often caused by traveling or overindulgence. “I only had two glasses of wine last night and I feel like hammered horse shit.”
Happy Birthday Dad. You’re the best.
* Look it up, Dad. ;p