Eulogy for My Vaio

Vaio was a good laptop. Unpretentious, quick-thinking, always had a get-the-job-done attitude. Back in ‘08 when I first got her she was so patient with me, sitting quietly as I scrolled through her settings and fumbled with her camera configurations. She guided me gently though her setup and made our transition an easy one, with her calm and slightly teasing, “Are you sure you want to delete this program?” She knew I was naive and insecure, so she backed me up, just in case.
Our early years were so productive together. She helped me write my Master’s thesis on Edgar Allan Poe and the scandalous business that was antebellum publishing, even though she didn’t know what antebellum meant. I added it to her dictionary, as I did with so many words, mostly ones I had made up. Vaio was a picky speller, which could be annoying sometimes, with her passive aggressive red underlines. I just clicked and we moved on. We never talked about it, but now I kind of wish we had.
She was pretty too, in those days: her slim, sleek profile always made me proud to have her on my table at the corner cafe or at the library. But as the years wore on, I have to admit, I started to notice thinner models, with their cute little apples and teeny depths you couldn’t even use the word thickness to describe them… but my Vaio, well, she was starting to look a little thick. I know it’s horrible to say, but it’s true. And if one thing Vaio and I always shared, it was honesty. She respected that.

you will not be forgotten

She knew everything about me, holding all of my secrets and compromising photos tucked away in discreet folders, within folders, deep inside her C drive. That time in Mexico City? Ella sabe. The bachelorette party in Vegas, the one where none of us were actually getting married? She never judged. She just popped open her window, asked me firmly, but politely, if I wanted to save the images. She already knew the answer, but wanted to hear me say it. We had an understanding, and I owed her that much.

She traveled with me everywhere: India, Hong Kong, Europe. Quick to adapt, Vaio always found a safe Wifi and could translate in any language without much fuss. She never complained when I accidentally left her at the ski lodge in Innsbruck, or hid her in the closet in Dubai. Sure, she bitched when I installed a German hotspot program in her, then couldn’t get it out when we returned to the States… (but really, who wouldn’t?). She sighed and just learned to live with it. If there’s one thing I can say about her, Vaio always sucked it up. She was tough.

But this year, things really changed. Our communication slowed way down, sometimes to the point where she’d just shut down. I knew she was fighting a virus, but what did that have to do with us? Mac Air was so  thin and fast, I… well, I couldn’t resist. Air and I had been having an emotional affair for weeks, and I sensed Vaio knew, but again–we never discussed it. Then, when the box came, she just started at me, monitor agape, for what felt like an eternity. Then before I could say anything, she just went black. That was it.

she knows I love Chai. all day with the flirting...

I’ll miss you Vaio. Sure, Air is sexy, and fun to have around, but she’s no you. Know that you meant so much to me and I’ll make sure your death was not in vain. You’ll be recycled into your next life, go to a better place, and you can start over again, as I am doing right now.

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